I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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