I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
