when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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