My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
