her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
