I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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