What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
