My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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