Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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