hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
