dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
