So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
