I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
