just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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