i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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