As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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