Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Someone shattered a urinal.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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