my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
