how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
