He kissed a someone with a penis
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
