He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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