Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
