All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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