Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I'm really busy with my period
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