exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
