Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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