Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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