Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
