So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
