just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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