why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
