dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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