Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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