I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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