i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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