You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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