I accidentally burped into my bong.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
