are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
