Your tits are I can't wait for
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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