is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
