so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
