fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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