singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
