Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
