You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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