Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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