So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
