and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
