After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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