Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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