can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
