I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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