the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
