Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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