Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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