Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
